I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
