I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
