I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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