id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
our cab driver is having phone sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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