Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
