i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
