Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
