THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
