Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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