mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
