would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
