Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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