My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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