I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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