Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
