I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
