Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We have so much sex to catch up on
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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