Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
