Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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