some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
