You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
