I wish I could teleport
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
