If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My penis needs a shock collar
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
