sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
