so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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