All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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