hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
