I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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