Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
