her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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