did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
