three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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