At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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