She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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