I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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