guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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