just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
