I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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