Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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