drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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