I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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