and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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