And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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