Apparently you make a good broom.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
