you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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