i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
