Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
