How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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