the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
