Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
