On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
