He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
