how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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