I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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