I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
