When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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