i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
