i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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