But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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