i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
