he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
