if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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