My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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