Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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