He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
