Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
