the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize