420 ftw
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
