Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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