She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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