I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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