You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
