my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
