Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
