Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
