wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
