I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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