she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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