Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
