is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm like, not good at living.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
