My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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