i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
