You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
